Underwater, You And Me

did you pack the good times ? don`t forget a map

31.5.09 11:09 AM

tee hee.

best weeekend ever in a long time.except K`s gone for florida and she wont be back for like 2 and half weeks which is pretty sucky,because we`re all going to miss her,like alot.anyways me and M and K all had a sleepover friday after work and school,it was so amazingly fun,i guess we all needed time to relax and remeber all the good times before life got so stressful and before high school happend,this weekend would have been perfect too bad i have to study,i really do not enjoy science whatsoever.i got into a little spat with L,i dont even know what to do with that situation anymore,but i`m not going to get all stressed about it its usless,i have no idea why i even continue to put so much effort into that,its like pouring raindrops back into a cloud.oh whatever, anyways ive got to get started on my science,other wise i might pull an all nighter and that would suck.so goodbye :)

bella

i miss the sound of your voice,and i miss the rush of your skin

28.5.09 6:44 PM

I’m not so stressed anymore :) but I’ve got to admit SO MUCH shit went down this week like holy fack! so Monday was stressful ish kind of my mom called me and she was all like get home blah blah blah,i was at K's house with M that was fun except I really think I pulled something in my legs because the walk home felt like someone pulling my leg muscles out,ouch.tuesdayy was hell I didn’t feeling like working but I went anyways, school was fine, a little stressful cause of the lab exam and all that, it was coming up on Wednesday plus my French summative was starting and I was scared shitless, turns out my lab exam went SO smoothly, like I was so scared that I wouldn’t know anything but revising and studying actually helped me so much, all the info stuck and I knew what to do, with the French summative it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be so yeah that was definitely a relief.tuesday night shit went down. It was not cool man not at all, so I dropped a bowl near my locker(LMFAO) and I guess AF told C about it cause he happened to be there and he happened to be laughing his ass off, anyways after school I saw C and he goes "I heard you broke a vase" yeah because I totally keep flowers in my locker you fuck up, anyways I told him it was actually a bowl and then I walked away about five minutes later M comes upstairs and she’s like lets go out that way so we walk by C again and he has to make a coy little comment so he goes "oh she’s walking by again" I got pissed and threw him a chirp, I was like not everything revolves around you C,your ego is too fucking big and then he goes I am your world. I got pretty pissed. so I get home right and on E's facebook there’s a status totally about C and it was like if someone lied and told you ,you were ugly maybe your ego would pop, anyway I commented and I said I SO get this and I definitely agree, and E writes keep it on the dl cause his friends will probably see and tell him about it, that exactly what happened, so before I know it C's online (he blocked me a while back when he got pissed about something one of my friends asked) he’s starts bitching and saying nice fucking status, I guess we hurt him or something,anyways so I told him to grow up. That didn’t work out so well, we fought like CRAZY, i swear in my whole life I’ve never fought with someone like that before, it was just insults flying everywhere, I mean I really got him mad and I don’t know why, it’s not like I mean anything to him, but I guess I must if he got so damn heated, so Wednesday was the shittiest day ever! Holy shit.so he deleted me and blocked me on msn because that’s just how he is.

He has the ability to make me feel like the shittiest person ever.

He was at the vendies because I was there, he was in student services cause I was around and E was too, and he was upstairs as usual. It was slow death. So today happens. And I was reflecting and thinking about everything I said and how bitchy and low half the shit was. And I felt so bad, so I asked E if she could get him to add me back, and unblock me, he came online like half a second later so I was like YES. I message him and I said I was sorry, that it was wrong, that it’s true that not everything is about him, but that I was sorry for being so bitchy he said okayy.and then apparently his GAY ass friend D was over, or something, anyways they went on webcam. Lovely.

But all of that means he’s definitely not mad at me, because he wouldn’t have talked at all. So now I’m not blocked, we’re talking again, hes not being a total douche, and he’s being nice.

good good.goood.

so now tomorrow’s Friday and all that should go smoothly I feel so much better about everything its seriously terrible when he’s mad, or sad, but I know he cares.hes made his point known.

L is really pissing me off.shes so unloyal and untrustworthy I told her not to tell MT about something personal and she ran and told him. Lovely she did the same thing when I told her something deep. And she doesn’t care, she just lets it spill.anyways I’ve also been wanting this "Frankie says relax" shirt for AGES and this Abercrombie and Fitch plaid bikini and she went and got both of them, i was beyond pissed. it’s all so shady,im obviously going to get over it but I will admit it DID piss me off bigtime.and she doesn’t care at all, like" oh wow I’m breaking your trust hip hip hooray" whatever.im starting to not care, when she says stuff I either ignore her or like pretend she’s not talking that’s how I keep from spazzing,i wish I could be honest with her, but she always acts like its nothing at all and that its dumb that I’m getting mad. It’s not dumb. I find trust a huge major thing.

anyways I thought I’d get all of that off of my chest, and clear out my head a bit, i know no one reads this blog anyways but still all I feel right now is relief (:

I shall post later or whatever toots!

Bella

i hate you,i hope you burn in hell,and fuck you C.

27.5.09 8:31 AM

An old man turned ninety-eight He won the lottery and died the next day It's a black fly in your Chardonnay It's a death row pardon two minutes too late Isn't it ironic ... don't you think Chorus It's like rain on your wedding day It's a free ride when you've already paid It's the good advice that you just didn't take Who would've thought ... it figures Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye He waited his whole damn life to take that flight And as the plane crashed down he thought 'Well isn't this nice...' And isn't it ironic ... don't you think Repeat Chorus Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you When you think everything's okay and everything's going right And life has a funny way of helping you out when You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up In your face It's a traffic jam when you're already late It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife It's meeting the man of my dreams And then meeting his beautiful wife And isn't it ironic... don't you think A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think... Repeat Chorus Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out Helping you out

baby,why'd you leave me? why'd you have to go?

24.5.09 7:41 PM

i was thinking about my life and stuff and i realized theres so much i want to do

like i want to tour europe and id really like to write a book of poetry

i was thinking that i kind of well more like my mom wants us to move out to toronto or vancouver ike after i graduate like i dont want to freaking move..

i want to go to college and university here with my friends and everything

like i dont even know what to do. like i have longterm goals you know such as be a dj,work as art director and all that stuff but like what do i do now?

i feel like everything in between is passing time i hate that

when everything feels like passing time

i think every minute of life should be meaningfull i really do

i miss alot of things and i dont like when i miss things because its like little parts of my life are unwhole

which is sucky

for one i miss my friendship with K,i miss talking to C,i miss being close with my mom and i miss having school my priority i used to only care about school and doing well and stuff

but now everything changed highschool changes everything

seriously

im not the person i used to be i used to be able to leave the house with no makeup on

my hair was crazy and i loved my converses now my hair has to be flat ironed

and like i have to make sure my complexion is perfect my clothes are perfectly picked every morning

and im always changing my clothes during the day

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

im in my buisness class now and im bored

im doing fuck all

whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

anways peace out

maybe c will come to his locker?

your so hot

2:27 PM

Nothing special. by EmyEmoEmu featuring Steve Madden shoes

"your on my radar"

im not that innocent

2:26 PM

I cannot forget. [May 14, 2009] by laura,c'est moi♡ featuring Aeropostale

"im stronger than yesterday,now is nothing but a mile away'

if you seek amy

2:23 PM

Kate Moss Style by sourcat featuring Frye boots

"love me hate me say what you want about me"

im surround by a million people,but i feel so alone.

14.5.09 10:30 PM

ive been thinking,just starring out the window of my large room just thinking about stuff

it all gets overwhelming.

my mother was screaming today about my room,and the mess,and i was sitting there thinking how is it that it gets messy a day after i clean it?

and i occurred to me that,thats how i feel inside,my room reflects how i feel

i feel like a mess,a disorganized,messed up room full of things that have no place to go,

there are random things everywhere that dont fit in,in any spot.

thats how i feel.

i don't fit in anywhere.

ive been thinking about everything

just so much stuff.

i was reading harry potter again for the fifth time

and it makes me feel all warm inside a re-connected,the way harry feels anyway

sometimes he feels alone,like even his closest friends to get anything or dont understand

i genuinely wish i had a friend alot like me

someone that loved harry potter,starbucks,obsecure indie movies,mayday parade and skinny jeans.

i wish i could be myself

and not worry about what other people would think

its so hard trying to be yourself,especially when you loose touch with what "yourself" really is.

i kinda feel like a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing.

and none of them fit together.

ive got to say my closest friend is M

but shes completely different from me

and i dont feel like we can really connect and stuff

she doesnt worship hp or stare out the window and think because theres so much on her brain,

she cant sing along to the words of my favourite paramore song or even sit there and talk about life with me.

i really wish i had someone that was like my other half you know?

i feel really lost,and kind of hollow.

i just want to feel something

i want to feel alive again

i used to be all the time

but sometimes too many bad things happen to you

and its hard to repair yourself

over and over again

and once the pile up one after the other,you stop trying to fix everything

so ive stopped trying.

K and me have been talking again

im kinda happy about it,i have missed her alot

she was really good to talk to and just be there for me

until i got screwed over

but im over that because sometimes you have to see the good in people and realize that the good things are what people should hold on to in life.

so i guess im really happy about it

even though M's not at all

she doesnt want me to hurt again

i dont think K would do that though

and besides im over all that

i dont hold anything against her

and forgiveness is what makes me whole.

ill blog when i get home from KJ's with M

i really dont want to go at all

id rather stay in indigo with a good book and some coffee or a chai tea

than be at her house talking about H or whatever guy she likes now

its hard to keep track.

the person i liked broke me,and shattered me and it takes more than a band-aid to recover

pain is so hard to handle

sometimes its as if someone youve trusted and given your heart to is ripping your heart out over and over again.

it hurts.

anyway,

i think im going to attempt to sleep

which wont work because ive got so much on my mind lately.

but whatever

so goodnight

You told me you would never, never forget

13.5.09 10:05 PM

Your fingertips across my skin The palm trees swaying in the wind

You sang me Spanish lullabies The sweetest sadness in your eyes

Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance My back is turned on you

Should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street You took my hand and danced with me

And when you left, you kissed my lips You told me you would never, never forget

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy I thought you'd want the same for me

I cannot go to the ocean I cannot drive the streets at night I cannot wake up in the morning

Without you on my mind So you're gone and I'm haunted And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that Easy to walk right in and out Of my life?

insporation/feeling.

9:51 PM

fearless

9.5.09 5:44 PM

theres something about the way this street looks when its just rained theres a glow on the pavement you walk me to your car and i want to ask you to dance right there in the middle of the parking lot yeah were driving the road i wonder if you know im trying so hard not to get caught up in that now but your just so cool run your hands through your hair absintmidley making me want you and i dont know how it gets better than this you take my hand and drive me head first fearless and i dont know why but with you id dance in a storm in my best dress fearless so baby drive slow until we run out of road in the one horse town i want to stay right here in this passenger seat you put your eyes on me this moment now capture it remember it i dont know how it gets better than this you take my hand and drive me head first fearless and i dont know why but with you id dance in a storm in my best dress fearless

its FEARLESS

Labels: fearless

wasted

5:40 PM

Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Another glass of whisky but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.

Cause' I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while

Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

i dont want to spend my life

5:36 PM